Now, back to our regular scheduled programming:
 |
| Everything is nothing. |
I leave for Italy in just a wee-hair under one month. I am still living with the Greek. It is still going really well, especially considering the odds that would have seemed, to me, to be stacked against us.
Now and then though, I feel those odds. Today is both now and then.
The odds include (but are not limited to):
- The age/experience gap
- Working together closely full time
There are times where I long for: my individuality, my free relationship with my daughters, having a home for my daughters, connecting with my origins, and building a community that is gracefully forward moving.
I've put some of those things aside, which is fine and okay (and perhaps even important). But, I miss them.
So, yeah, Italy at the end of August.
I know you can pick it up in my tone, but just in case, I really am totally excited.
The Greek and I in Italy, side by side, for a month.
I think work can really mess with the nice part of us. I think that I possess my position at work in a way that stunts his growth, and that makes me sad. But also, that age/experience gap? Well, it's what gives me the chops to do this job and it's why I have it and not him. This is something that, while I've alluded to it, I have not and will not say to him - because it would be a game changer for us, I think. Also, given the way in which he processes information, I don't think it would stick in a meaningful way.
Which is to say that I don't believe I am the person that will shed the right amount of light on it for him. I'm a piece of the puzzle, but not the last piece that brings the picture together.
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
The rubbies are next door to me in the park, they've been up and at it since around 5am. I find that I am happy for them that it's summer and they can enjoy life, having coffee/beer with their community. It makes me think of my sister. Also though, shut the fuck up, already.
It's like having a gaggle of college students living next door to you that insist on living a constant party in their backyard 🙄.
⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒
Today: today, I'm going to go to the gym this morning and surrender to this want and desire for the things I set aside. Then, depending on the Greek...
because I think deep down somewhere in his heart he is butt sore from a meeting we had yesterday in which - it seemed to me - he felt he had uncovered gapping holes in my work which was sufficient evidence that he should be leading the project, not me, only to find that he just made some massive assumptions on my process. This appeared to have left him once again with the sense/feeling of a lack of belonging.
What he really wants to be doing is what I am doing. He doesn't have a title because I have it. Rinse/repeat adnauseam.
So, depending on the level of his MAYBE (because I could be wrong about the above) butt soreness, perhaps we will do something? If not, I will surrender to my lastest sculpture - because it's got to be bone dry by now. sigh.
Then, at 5, I have dinner plans with old work friends, yay!
Today: it just feels like one of those days where you leave an old skin behind. You learn something you can't unlearn, see something you can't un-see.
