Day 9

 From Paris, to Barcelona, to Madrid, and now Granada, all in nine days. I have two more days in Spain and then we’re off to Portugal for four days, and then I fly over to Greece for another five days. It should be hotter there, which will be welcome

Being on “vacation” is such a busy thing. So this is not a vacation, it’s a trip. These are different things.

There’s not a lot of time to think and reflect on a trip, it’s just hustle, bustle, with a combo of intense alert and then relief when you’re at your bnb. Hopefully, now that we’re in smaller towns, this will relax. The big cities were… big. 

So what do I think? I talked with my daughter, who is house/niece sitting, and she said, “you have a hard life” referring mostly to my niece. I do have a hard life and I suppose I make it look easy. Stressful work all day and compartmentalizing my nieces well being (or lack there of). After years of  service for my family, I have grown a muscle that doesn’t even question “the load” I carry. That’s the same for all/most mothers (and/or full time, hands-on parents). That’s life and I’m grateful for it.

I can’t wait to see my friend-in-life in Greece. He feels like home and that makes me question things too. I think it’s been good that we stopped living together, certainly with adding my niece into the mix, but I’m starting to see a bit more clearly how he fits into my life. 

I do find myself longing for a romantic type of relationship - and that is not him and I at this point - but I am questioning what that means now as I long to just be comfortable with him. Him who I can be myself with. I just want to see him and hug him. 

When I return, nothing will have changed.  I will be walking into the same chaos, sitting on my couch at night, knitting my way back to calm. That’s not such a bad thing, I think? 

What would I like? I would like build my own software, own my work more, and make a good living with people that I love. Set the pace of the work to something gentle, creative, and helpful.