Feelin' some stuff, not sure what it is. The Greek - what is happening? He seems to be... unravelling? Or, the veil I had over my own eyes is unravelling? Am I seeing what I was willing to overlook before? Perhaps a mix of the two - I saw hints of it because he didn't show it as much, but now he is relaxing more and showing more of that side of himself and I'm not as willing to see past it.
He's a bit of a moody, insolent child at times. I simply don't invite that into my daily life, I don't invite that behaviour to my parties, ya know? And if it shows up at my party, I generally end up saying, "Sorry, not sure how you got here, but you're going to have to leave...this party is for adults," as nicely and respectfully as I can - of course.
The result of all this him letting his child run rampant at my life party being: I dreamt long of my husband and his grown-up-ness, and wished I could sneak back to that life.
I mean, do I really want to be back with him again? I can't imagine sex with him now, I'm just not there. But, I love him, always have that was never an issue. He was/is my like-mind soulmate - we just lost real life, alive, connected connection. We killed it with his addiction and subsequent methadone.
I miss him though. I miss him a lot.
Alas, I'm on my own here and I'm good with that for the most part. In fact, saying that statement feels absolutely perfect in my heart and soul. Who knows what happens with the Greek from here, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe it's not. Maybe he will not understand how to be a emotionally responsible man in a relationship with a emotionally responsible woman.
Either way, I feel good. A little sad, perhaps, but much better for having said all this and gotten it out of my head.
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