I'm in the middle of sadness, which is made possible by yearning and loneliness I think. My hormones are invigorated and longing for love has returned. A deep companionship is what my feelers are reaching for. Reaching for that person who might be my enduring love. A quite and fulfilling meeting of spirit, hearts, and minds.
I find I hope for someone who is just that much more at peace with their - sobriety towards life - that they can catch me when mine falls. Someone who can help me fill my cup and maybe doesn't need theirs filled by me. Really, I just want to be held sometimes. Held enough that I can share the load and take a rest without having to provide sex in return. A partner that can truly see me and seeks only to feel their love towards me - whatever my heart, soul, body can offer. That love me for free. A friend at my back, a lover at my side, a steward to my future. A kindness with the strength of wit and fortitude. Somebody who I am not at risk of falling out of love with and they not at risk of falling out of love with me. In return, I will see and love them, provide for them where and when I can, and never take advantage of the strength they offer. I will create a home of warmth and kindness. I wont be afraid to get my hands dirty and help. I will take responsibility for my own happiness and leave space for them to do the same for themselves.
If this person does not exist, than I must let go and express desire through meditation. I must trust that the wind has my back, that nature is at my side, and timing and preparedness will champion my future - and that I will love all these things for free. I will breath in and breath out, returning the clean energy to those that come after me.
I will ask for sweet magic to draw on my back, to kiss me, to play with my hair, to talk till we fall asleep, to build a life that satiates longing.
