You Poop?

It's almost as if we've been living together for the last 19 days - very interesting.

I wondered what it would be like, or do to us, to spend so much time together and get to know each other more intimately - not sexy intimacy, but the boring and revealing intimacies like... you poop?

Although, on that note and just a bit of an aside: I'm sure he assumes I poop - but I've yet to do it while he's around. My wily, feminine ways just wont seem to let it happen naturally while I'm with him. Oh wait, perhaps a new milestone. brb.

Okay, so I do indeed poop. Thank Christ. That was getting to be an unhealthy lifestyle choice I appeared to have no control over. And if that was at all vague - he's in my bed, my bathroom is in my bedroom, and I just pooped (achievement unlocked)! But, I digress.

The last 19 days, where we've, for all intent and purpose, lived together and worked together, has been real good. The love has grown quietly and purposefully. We bike, roller skate, he cooks (I help a bit), we eat, we build lego cats, we watch GoT and Silicon Valley etc.

I have no idea why, when I look at him, my body just surrenders. We had one little fightish at work and we couldn't make up fast enough. I'm learning about him and he's learning about me - which brings me to last night.

In his normal routine, he stays up late and sleeps in. I sleep early and wake up early. He adopted my schedule for a few days, and last night it all caught up with him. I am learning his subtleties:

He was cranky and, apparently, thus sensitive to fucking everything and the way he goes about saying that is oddly passive aggressive:

• I don't like this music (acoustic chill), it's like mleh blah mleh sad blah. I wanted something... happy. Do you like this music? Did I not make the conscious choice to listen to it? 
• [After commenting that I did my nails] What kind of nail polish do you wear? It smells strong. (I can't stand how you smell right now)
• Oh, you drank wine (you taste and smell boozey. I don't like that)
• Someone outside (in the world somewhere) is smoking [closes front door quickly]
• There's a giant bee in kitchen, I don't do bees. That's cool. I don't do spiders. Let me get that for you ... (?)
• [Me taking my turn putting together our lego cat project] I just like to watch you struggle (you kinda suck, hey?)
• [Peeks at results of intimate full bikini wax] Wow, she really did destroy your vagina. What? Ugh - look, I have a lot of 'girl' and she's completely naked right now AND I'm in an awkward position. She didn't destroy me - that's me!
• [Me defending my vagina] Well, I mean, you've had kids and stuff, it's probably gotten loser (wizard sleeves)... WTF? No, it's ALWAYS been like this. My vagina is not an old lady! (?)
• [Me exercising dark humour: Yeah, I'm going to get it trimmed] [Him - irrevocably repulsed] What the fuck, why would you say that? Oh my god, that's... fuck... [trying to remove imagery] ugh, don't say that [eye squinting pain face]. I feel weird now.

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you...

So, that was fun! Not even kidding. He is an odd bird, and although I can imagine all of these endearing things, including the way he forgive me for being cute-walks sometimes, being all the reasons I would say he was "driving me CRAZY" - I hope that never happens. I hope I always adore his awkward, angular and sharp, lack of filter.

Lucky for him, I am busy for the next three days so we wont see each other. We can have a break as we ease into this "see each other a lot" thing. We can each catch up on our individual alone time: he can sleep and I can poop.

God Damn It

It's still good. Everything is still good. More than that, it's kinda amazing.

I'm leaving my children behind in this little town I brought them to and moving back to my home town. I found a place. It's small and so lovely.... . So lovely, that I'm more excited than I am sad that I am leaving my babies back in this small town (albeit, grown babies and with their father).

I should have trusted my manifesting all along... it brought to me a perfect home.

It really is about me now. Holy fuck. For however long, it is about me now:  living, loving, laughing, and probably crying from time to time. Amazing. Fucking amazing.

I can't even begin to tell you how today, just today, my whatever it is with the Greek, is... breath takingly lovely. More lovely than I could have imagined. It's blessed. It is... charmed.

I am charmed, and I love it.

If I had known that this was a possibility at this age, this time, whell.... fuck. I don't know what I would have done.

I would have raced here.

My heart is full - of blooming flowers.

Thank you, Universe. Thhhhaaaaaaannnnnkkkkkk yyyyooooouuuuuuu.

Music

There feels like there should be a deeper meaning to the fact that it has been a month since I last wrote. But for simplicity sake, I don't think there is.

Somehow, someway, this new way of representing what we have not as a relationship but something we both encounter on a day by day basis, is humming along most beautifully.

One day at a time.

My heart smiles and my skin sings.

Just...

Wow. We had such a lovely night last night. And an even lovelier morning. I don't even think words could do it justice. It was so simple and just, just. My heart be so full.

This morning, he was working on my orgasm, trying to find the ways. He said, "talk to me, tell me what's working, tell me what to do..."

And he said, whispered in my ear as he was making love to me, "I can feel when you get close, I can feel your body change... and then it goes away. What's that about?"

It was a lovely, quiet moment of love making. I was trying to open to it, and I said, "I don't know," and tears sprung to my eyes because he saw it, he saw me, very gently.

He saw or felt my tears and just said, "I love you..."

Fuck. me. This couldn't be more amazing and lovely... and sweet.

Other worldly; I swear to god. I love him. With all my heart.

Sigh

I came into town last night to be ready for early meetings today, we met up for dinner at a healthy joint so that he could feed me healthy food because I'm sick.

When I walked in, his smile was lovely. He even winked, something that seems so trite yet always steals my heart.

After dinner we just walked aimlessly on a beautiful spring night. Holding hands. Not kissing, because, you know, I'm sick. And he's, you know, germs.

Once again, I have no idea who we are or where we're going, but today... I love him for free.

Also, I'm really sick and we have meetings from 8am right till 6pm, software testing. I might not make it.

In other news: I've found RedBull

The Stillness of Some Kind of Sweet Love

We talk almost every day now, every night. Last night, one of the first things he said was, "I wish you were here tonight, just to sleep with and hold."

My moving date, to return to my home town where he also is, may have got bumped up by two months, he said I could stay with him for a while if I needed. What???

This is a strange new setting for us. Of course, I wouldn't stay with him - that would be most odd and dangerous, perhaps? He would freak out, I'm sure. Also, lord knows I need my own home.

But. But, but, but... . How very sweet.

Then he asked, "Look, are you moving down here soon regardless of whether this deal goes through?"

I replied, "Yes, they are selling the house. Ima have to move."

"Good," he said.

This is a one day at a time kinda thing, no promises accept for the one where he kinda promised this wasn't a forever thing for him. But being with him in the right here and now makes my body warm with love. I simply can't deny that.

Sleeping with him, knowing he's there beside me, waking up in the middle of the night and, either him moving to hold me, hold my hand as we sleep, or me holding him... it's so lovely and sweet.

Waking up early and getting ready while he sleeps, leaving before him, kissing him good bye. It's lovely and sweet.

I hope we can share more moments of common life together. The stillness of some kind of sweet love.

Week in Review

It's been a really good week, or couple of weeks. The Greek and I are experiencing a nice flow. We were going to take a break from sex this week, just hang out and cuddle, which was more a game of seduction than anything else. I enjoyed it.

He said I was taking him to new levels as I fucked him and demanded that he not cum - damn, makes me crazy just thinking about it.

He said at one point, "I love you so fucking much - in so many ways..."

I have no idea who we are, but I love us and I love our sex.

I have no idea where we will go.