:|

Okay, so, it's starting to hit me. His absence. It's funny ish.

He's on his own now on one of the Greek Islands bound to be full of other travellers. Women travellers. He's going to meet them, he flows better with the ladies. He's going to hang out with them.

I believe he's rented a scooter, which looks like a blast, but my gut sees him touring the island with a couple of lovely girls, ladies, women and, you know, connecting.

My mind saw him having carefree sex with one of them. I almost vomited.

This almost violent fear of loss struck me (and then my phone lit up with a message from him, a photo (of which I enlarged to see who I could see in the reflection of his sunglasses... oi) ).

That comfort zone of having him with me all the time, exhausting me sexually and otherwise - leading me to think I would be okay without him because you know, I need some space - is suddenly gone.

My heart breaks at the unwelcome daydream of him pleasuring some other woman.

He means a lot to me.

That's scary.

A part of me wanted to message him right then and there and tell him to stop messaging me as of today, because it is going to break my heart when, suddenly, his daily messages dry up because he is otherwise engaged with whoever she turns out to be.

sad face.

Also... I think I see a trend