My Purpose?

I can't find it lately. Maybe it's that I'm just not feeling it? I've been sick for a week now, I'm a horrible sick person, it's depressing as hell.

It is making me feel sick of myself. My lethargy is unbearable. I'm used to feeling good and with energy. I am neither of those right now. It's like... I have a swimming pool tied to my ass. How do people deal with this? People that have physical ailments that are legit and ongoing?

Me Praying...

I have no idea and I pray that I am not sick much longer. I pray this isn't a permanent state of my existence now - because that's how it feels.

I like to come and look at myself this way, it feels better to call it what it is: pathetic.

I'm wailing in self pity, so it's nice to do it loudly, really feel it.  Know what else I'm sick of? Being creative. Fucking sick of it, my brain is seriously over used right now. And preening over my creativity...?

God, make it stop. The preening anyways. 

I just want to stop feeling sick. I want to stop coughing. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I want to feel spry. I want to feel connected to my purpose... which is... wait for it...

Feeling connected to my state of nothing. Enjoying the state of nothing and no one.

Right, that's it. I forgot. That's why I come here, to write the shit out of me, laugh at myself, and then move on. What a satisfying itch to scratch.

Me not doing yoga

So, here I go...

This is a lie, I have Purple Rain cranked right now...

I can do this... I can do nothing. Deep breaths....