I Killed It.

Pretty sure that's what I did. It's magnificent, really. Blindingly brilliant. The brightest light you could ever see.

I let him fuck me at lunch.

Is that what I did? I'm still not sure.

It wasn't love though, that I'm pretty sure of. Or, at the very least, I saw it for what it has been all this time, finally.

Maybe that's why I wanted to go, to make sure I killed it. Finished it.

Isn't that what I said to him? "Sometimes I just wish we would do this to death - just get it over with, end it once and for all."

I think that's what I did. I let him do something that would end it for me. I gave him liberty and he accepted - because, ultimately, he doesn't love me. Not like that.

Good to know (or finally get).

For what it's worth, it was sweet - when it was sweet.

Good night, love. Or whatever your name is :)