Sunday, August 14, 2016

Take a Chance on Me

Epiphany:  I want to do fun things, adventurous things, SUP'ing, music, arting, etc...

I had day dreams of doing some of these with the Greek, but instead he's going to do them with some one his own fucking age. Fabulous.

And I thought, well that doesn't stop me from finding other people to do those things with, I could do them  with anybody - but that didn't hit the spot. That was not the actual thing I wanted or want.

And then it hit me like a punch in the gut.

I want someone to want to do those things with me. I want a romance wherein somebody likes me enough to say, "Hey, let's go do fun things!"

And I looked back on my life and realized I've never had a relationship with someone where I've experienced that.

I've been watching romantic movies all my life because I long to have a fun, healthy, passionate, firey, alive relationship.

I can't believe the two main men in my life have been so emotionally deadened. Closed up. Left the building.

And I believe I chose them because they were safe. They would always keep their distance from me, and I could complain about it as if I was the more evolved person.

Dear Universe, I don't want to play it safe anymore - not like that. I'm ready to open up to love. Scared, but, I think, ready.  I'm ready to take a chance.

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