A Pleasant and Wisely Charmed Life

The universe has been so good at brining me things I have asked for. I have tried my best to be humble and ask for the best of me to come forward, to have sweet things enter my life - accepting now that I do deserve sweet things, too.

Life has been hard. Sadistic sexual abuse happening as part of my very first memories and experiences, the aftermath of that abuse, the way it shaped the way I felt and the choices I made. Drug and alcohol addiction - the lovely losers that were my teachers. Poverty and lack of education. All these were the building blocks of my adult life. They were very hard to scale, but I did it.

The entirety of my life does not need to be hard, this is what I realized. This is why I began to look to the universe and ask for something sweet. It's as if I woke up one day and realized the words I speak to my children, you can have anything you want. So, what did I want?

Sweetness. Laughter. Truth. Love.

I've worked so hard all my life to overcome those adversities that were given to me, I have focused my life on that work. I will always continue the work, but now I want to change my focus.

Deserve isn't the right word. After all that hard work, I deserve something sweet, but I can't find a better one right now.

Maybe it's after all that hard work,  I am ready to let sweetness, love, laughter, and truth in. Yes, that is it.

I wouldn't let it in, I wasn't willing to have people in my life that hadn't experienced life the way I had. They were not a fit. I needed those hard, dirty people around me. My people. Those of my people that had chosen to live a better life but still carried the scars. The wounded. I was one of the wounded.

I am not anymore. I do not wish to live out the rest of my life on the backs of my scars. I'm ready to let those go. I am ready to accept a different kind of love. An innocent love, free of battle boundaries.

Now, universe, the only boundaries I ask for are love, kindness, and truth. If this type of free love challenges me to be more open, less guarded, then I aspire to be ready. From the bottom of my soul.

I also ask for balance so that I can bring the best of me into my work, the success of this company and my coworkers.  I ask for the wisdom, ambition, and success.

For my children, I ask for the purest of love to act as their strength to build their lives, their truths, their passions.

For Chris, I pray - with all my heart - that he will find the same epiphany I did, the willingness to let joy in. To not ride the rest of this life out on the backs of scars.

For me, I ask for a pleasant and wisely charmed life.