I don't know what to make of it all; I know I'm not supposed to make anything of it yet a part of insists on having some different level of understanding. What are we doing, where are we going, will I get hurt, is it just about sex, do we really have anything in common, is this going to fizzle out quickly...? Or do we love each other?
Exhaustion:
I'm exhausted around how fucking happy I feel. My heart feels like it's continually blooming, over and over again. How long can that last?
Giddiness:
See above. It's exhausting.
Love:
How my heart feels when he says things like "I love being with you. I just want to make you happy, do I make you happy?" My stomach swoons with a depth when we touch those moments. When our foreheads touch, when our eyes meet and that knowing thuds beware - you are falling. When he kisses that spot between my eyes or my face, the tenderness that is attached is beautiful. When I return it, it is with all of me.
Desire:
That longing to feel his skin, his body next to mine. To kiss his lips, to feel him inside of me or the warmth of his mouth between my legs - his face buried deeply. The sound of him coming undone to his desire when he fucks me aggressively and instinctually - my god I desire that.
Joy:
The forever smile on my face, the song my heart seems to subtly and quietly forever dance to, day in and day out, day in, day out.
This week he whispered in my ear that I was like a drug or like honey that he couldn't get enough of.
I want this. I want what I have with him... . I accept and surrender to this - something sweet.
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In my dream last night or this morning, he was beside me and pulled out a present as if it was a late Christmas present but also not. I didn't get to open it and don't know what it might have been. It was shaped like a book but to square to be a book.
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