He didn't see who he had, he was attracted to what he saw, but didn't understand enough to appreciate the entirety of what he was attracted to. The very heart of Me.
I have mean streak of vulnerability and truth that connects to some level of sensuality that just draws them in - some people are not evolved enough to see that this sexuality I exude comes from the truth that I long to feel.
The love, the essence of the journey I wear on my skin like perfume. They want to touch it, fuck it, love it, and experience it, but they are not always willing to be touched by it.
They want to experience it from the shoulders up, they don't want me to infect their simple reality with any measure of depth. They just wanted a piece of the action.
And I was built to be an open book, sometimes hurt by the words, or lack thereof, that I allowed someone to write in the margins while they toured the badlands.
Words that, unfortunately, echo the actions of the man who was the first to use me and spit his selfishness and disregard on the spot in me that struggles to remain bright. Which, incidentally, is the very reason I seek the truth of connection to the level at which I do.
I am an adult woman who is experiencing, once again, being fucked by someone who, overall, doesn't give a shit about the flower he just picked and threw away.
I mean, at least press that shit like it was something you appreciated as once being alive. Right?
I gave him way too much credit. He's much too young to be thoughtful gardner.
Ugh - you are experiencing exactly what I've always hated about relationships. I hope you find a better gardner. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Jade. On some level, I hope so too. The weird thing is, is that I had one in my husband. Sometimes, I wonder why exactly it is I am no longer attracted to him in a way that is fulfilling, even though I know the answer to that. This life is odd.
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