Don't Fuck 'Em

You can tell by the lack of posts that the confusion that consumed me is waning. Thank god. You still have to go through that shit, even at my age.

I am staring down a new life, a life that has freedom written all over it. A life that has a sigh of relief on its shoulders. A life that could potentially be lonely.

It also has the potential of being really rather quite beautiful.

I was away for a week on work trip, a trip that surrounded me in people and more than a few (well, no, exactly a few) gentleman suiters. One of which, the most attractive to me, was 29 (turing 30 in a few days, so, there's that).

He has a girlfriend back in his home, so obviously he's a bit of a player. I'm sure his advances towards me were not his first, but he was very attracted to me. He loved my energy, my smile, blah blah blah.

He totally wanted to do things to me that, in the end, I may or may not have enjoyed. I will never know.

I let him kiss me though, let him kiss me good night on our last night there. But what if I had done more, what if we had had a night of either passionate or awkward sex? Would he have still looked me up on Facebook?

I think these young boys' attention is flattering, but I think the lesson here is, don't fuck 'em. Everything that is fun and exciting about it turns to shit when you do. The friendship, if there was one, is gone.

At least, that's what my lesson taught me.

Also, I don't understand the Hook Up. I just don't get it. What's actually in it for me? A night of weird sex with someone who knows nothing about me or my body - what works and what doesn't? How much time do you have to spend telling them, "No, not like that. Slow down. Faster. Don't flick your tongue like that... "?

And then after that, it's just a little weird and someone goes home. Clearly, I'm missing something here.

I like the people though, I like it when I'm friends with these younger attracted people. They're fun and alive, and I dig that about them. Fucking ruins that. For them, the quest is over, they move on. When for me, I actually enjoyed the camaraderie.

So that's that, it's decided. There will be no passionate sex in my immediate future. Ugh.

ps: Thanks Ryan - you're a real pal.