Blood Red Moon

I'm creating distance, a buffer zone, between us. Or it's just there and I don't know how to close the gap and am too tired or apathetic to try. Meh, meh, meh. I don't care.

Maybe this is the beginning of the end and I just don't want to admit it. Maybe I just don't have time and space in my head enough for a relationship. I'm not... enthused at the prospect of love making. Not really. I think I'd rather be alone most of the time.

• I just want to get this book written, focus.
• Make sure my niece is cared for and loved, nurtured and growing, and keeping a relationship with her familiar that is positive
• Do my job well - deliver a smart and useable product
• Sculpt a bit.

Mayhaps, I would enjoy a movie with him from time to time.

Those 3.5 things. I just want to do those things as myself.

That's the pisser I think. I don't feel like I can be myself, truly, with the Greek. I'm holding a lot of who I am back from him because... I just don't think he gets it and I don't want to explain it because... see above points. Those are the only things I want to do. Get out of my way, please and thankyou.

I want a part time boyfriend I guess, and I don't happen to mind the warm roommate in my bed at night. I just don't want to feel responsible to a relationship - a building of a life  - I aint got no time for that.

I hope that I'm not taking advantage of gifts. And if the gift is that I do get a person who is content to have a part time girlfriend, I hope I can see that and rejoice in it for what it is.

Dear Universe, Gods, and Goddesses