Arrogance is My Master (Maybe?)

Going into work today. We work very closely together and are perhaps at a bit of rough patch on a project. This is, I guess, where this can get difficult - or he can.

I've got a wee bit of PMS and am seriously sensitive, so yesterday when he announced he would back off the project that I appear to be leading, it made me sad.

I don't know how much of it is ego on his part, I believe some of it is. But there is also a bit of me not listening because I think/feel I know the quickest line between the two points. Nonetheless, I talked to him frankly about it yesterday (over the phone, gotta love working remotely), with a lump of PMS in my throat, stating my case as to why he shouldn't withdraw his contribution to the think tank just because I seem to be overriding his ideas for mine (hmm), he interjected and said, "I just want to hug you right now" which was not something I expected and was happy, relieved to hear.

The conversation had a tenderness to it - a don't go, if you will, from me. A I need you. A realization that we can't do this without you.

In the beginning of the conversation, I asked him if there was ego involved on his part and if he was doing to this to teach me a lesson "you want to lead this project, just see how you do without me..." He said no, and I believe that answer, but I still think that some of this is egocentric. On some level, I think he feels frustrated and hurt that his ideas aren't working (and or we're not listening). But he's right that we are piggy backing on his ideas, using his brain to jump start stuff, and then (nicely) shitting all over them. That's not cool either.

I walked away from the conversation feeling love, awareness,  and concern. We need him. I need him.

But we all need balance, too. This is a tough project we're working on, it's going to take all of us humbly working together - mostly, me and him.

That's my manifestation for the next while: healthy productivity, listening, and balance.

PS: I don't understand why I love him like this.

Whatever it is seems to touch something in me very deeply.