Clueless

So, the only words I've said to him since were, was, a text that I sent that said "Sigh, 😔"

That's it. And it was a "Wow, that was weird, that was sudden. I feel... things."

Now, you're right - that text doesn't explicitly imply those words and could be read a few different ways - and now I'm left wondering how he read it, because he certainly didn't, in his common totally cut off reaction to us once he's made up his mind, respond.

Thankfully, this morning, my thoughts around this are Meh, whatever. Okay. Because, I see that I really don't know what he wants from me. And, that's okay.

Because, clearly, it has to be.

I love you, but I don't love you
I want you to stay but I want you to go
Be yourself, but also, just be my version of you
Tell me your feelings, but don't have feelings that are unattractive
Talk to me, but don't talk to me
Fight for me, but don't be needy or jealous

These are the things I think he thinks, and in a rather volatile fashion.

I don't have enough hindsight to see what my shit in this really is. Too available, too passive, too wanting?

He's too young to have a mature ongoing connection.